Stevenage's First Team Coach

A couple of weeks back, BTFM paid tribute to the anger-management skills of one-time Barnet hero Hakan Hayrettin. And only made slight reference to his weight gain. This time, in another nod to my erstwhile friends at the bottom of the A1, and in anticipation of this weekend's crunch game at Grimsby, I offer up this.

For those unaware, Dino Maamria is a twat is now First Team coach at Stevenage, having been a player there once upon a while. Since the demise of Enfield, Stevenage is as good a local rivalry as Barnet have. Dino wasn't the most popular, and in tandem with boss Graham Westley, it is possible Underhill may implode next season when the two teams meet again. If Barnet manage to keep hold of their league status, of course.

Anyway, enjoy boys

More TalkSport tomfoolery

Dirk Kuyt's A to Z Scouse Dictionary

The One Where All My Fears Were Well Founded

Glapwell 1 Kidsgrove 0

Unibond Division 1 South Play Off

I may have mentioned before that I don't have much love for trips to Glapwell. But I naively thought that a play-off game might produce something I haven't seen at Hall Corner all season; a good game of football.

No.

Quite how Glapwell can play a 3-4-3 formation and not be good to watch amazes me. Maybe it has something to do with their love of hoofing it up to Neil Grayson and his two mates, who inevitably don't control it well enough to bring others in to the game. And when they do, there's no width anyway. Awful, awful team to watch.

There was a "bumper" crowd of 250+ plus there last night. Judging by the reactions when Glapwell scored with 15 minutes or so to go, about 2/3 of them had travelled from Staffordshire. Quite how Glapwell can expect to survive at the next level on such apathetic locals is beyond me.

Another thing that is beyond me is how they, and Sheffield. And Stocksbridge, now I come to think of it, can all pass the ground gradings with three sided grounds. That the grading regulations can be flexible, depending upon your affiliations is not news. That such hypocrisy can continue to be allowed to flourish unchallenged though, that's what saddens me most.

Anyway, no photos because there was nothing to shoot. And a Chasetown Glapwell final which leaves my heart cold. In the North it's Lancaster Colwyn Bay, which is a bit more enticing. And in the Prem it's Bradford Boston, which promises to be a cracker.

I might go to Grimsby to watch Barnet throw away their league status in a display of utter ineptitude though.

Duffield set to leave Retford United

Retford United have been hit with a bombshell after manager Peter Duffield announced he is leaving the club at the end of this season amid claims that players have not been paid.

The news of Duffield's departure is bound to come as a huge blow to supporters with the Badgers involved in the UniBond League Challenge Cup final against Boston United at Ashby Avenue toight (7.45pm).

The high flying Cannon Park side are also still in with a chance of reaching the UniBond Premier Division play-offs if rivals Kendal are not able to secure three points from their clash with Whitby Town on Wednesday evening.

Speaking exclusively to the Retford Times, an emotional Duffield said the players will not be surprised by his decision as he spoke to them two weeks ago about his wish to leave.

Duffield claims neither himself or the players have received their wages from last month and that a long list of broken promises by the club have led to him finally making this decision.

"We are about a month behind with our wages and the club owes money from a period in December," said Duffiled.

"But it's the players I feel sorry for. Some of them have had to be loaned money by myself and Mick Godber just so that they can make it to away matches.

"It has been a long time since I have had a peaceful night's sleep because of all this and my family have also suffered because of it.

"I don't know the reasons for all the problems at Retford, all I know is we have not been played for quite a while.

"I know the club is trying to raise money and I genuinely feel for Retford, but it is time to move on."

Chairman Bill Wyles said: "We have a problem in that our main sponsor has only paid about a quarter of the money he agreed to pay in the deal and that has left a massive hole.

"I can understand Peter's frustrations and we have nothing but praise for his efforts during his time with Retford.

"On a personal level, I have always got on well with Peter and I shall be sorry to see him go."

This Is Retford

The One I Forgot To Write

Bardon Hill Sports 1 Dunkirk 5

East Midlands Counties Football League

Readers of this blog do not necessarily expect professionalism. And I appreciate them for that. However, even I am sometimes amazed by how lethargic my attitude can be.

On Saturday, The First Man travelled to Leicestershire, to watch an ECML table-topping clash between Bardon Hill Sports, with points in the bag, and Dunkirk, with games in hand. As with last week's title decider, the end result was far more one-sided than anyone could have predicted. Only this time, it served to make the run-in all the more tight. That this was Bardon Hill's last game, and they now have to watch on as the others close in, will only compound their misery.

One unexpected highlight of the day was bumping in to an old friend in The Bodging (aka Pete) who may yet take the plunge in to the world of non league blogging. If he does, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Until then tho, know this. Dunkirk are more than any good. Having watched them despatch the previously admired Gedling Town without breaking too much of a sweat earlier in the week, I was keen to see what the table toppers would offer. As it turned out, very little. Bardon Hill played as if they knew their time was up, whilst Dunkirk harried and hassled all over the pitch. Even an early enforced substitution could not dampen their efforts. Indeed, as the resultant substitute ended up with two goals, it arguably made them stronger.

Dunkirk have pace all over the pitch, whilst Bardon Hill looked as cumbersome as their portly number 5. Time and time again balls came over the top, and the home defence could not cope. When Dunkirk bored of this game, they ran at a ramshackle defence who had no answer. For Dunkirk's fourth (possibly) they even rolled out a red carpet, pulled up a few deck chairs, and simply waved the impressive number 4 through, from his own half.

There's a proper match report, written by someone who deserves your audience more than me, here

If Bardon Hill were the best the league had to offer all year, one can only marvel at the quality of the rest of the league.

There are photos, and they will be uploaded soon enough. But I am writing this at work, and they are at home.

Football Rules Number One

When you score a goal, everyone loves you.

An Under 11's Game

The First Man is cursed delighted to have made the acquaintance of the Roly Poly's stuntman during the course of this season. And this blog notes with interest that during all the off, and on, field troubles that have beset Worksop Town this season, that blog's support of the Tigers' youth programme has been unfaltering. With this in mind, I hope and trust that he will be learning from the actions of these fans in Poland.

With thanks to Cold Tuesday Evenings for the find

Tactical Genius?

Long advocated on the playing fields of Harrow, Eton and Mansfield Woodhouse, what we have here is the natural extension of that bloody awful "shielding" of a ball for a goal kick.




First seen on Dirty Tackle

When football songs go wrong

Oh god, this is horrible. "New Arsenal hoody looking sweet"? Fuck off, you rancid piece of festering turd.



Thanks, if that's the right adjective, to Who Ate All The Pies.

The One That Came So Close

Forest Town 0 Eastwood Town 1

Nottinghamshire Senior Cup Semi Final

For my sins, this was my first visit to Forest Town, despite it being a ten minute drive from my house. And I was charmed, I have to say.

The Nottinghamshire Senior Cup is not a competition that enlivens my soul much. Least, not until last minute winners in the Final anyway. But at the business end of the competition, the underdogs do try a little bit more, and the "names" are less inclined to coast it. And so it was last night.

After several years of progression on and off the pitch, Eastwood Town have finally stalled this season. There was a time when they were looking at yet another promotion, but like their namesakes in North Notts (and holders of this prestigious trophy, lest we forget) The Badgers have found the latest new level tougher than those that preceded them. They're not out of the race, but it hasn't been the table-topping panorama they've been used to in recent years.

Forest Town meanwhile continue to plod along in the Central Midlands, without unduly worrying either end of the table. That's a gap of 5(?) leagues between the two. A dead cert, surely?

Well, no, in a word. Without descending in to tired footballing cliches too readily, the opportunity to match their wits against more illustrious names emboldened the home side, and coupled with a resolutely defence line-up, their big-spending visitors could not break them down.

It was a game of few chances, but those that came fell mostly to Eastwood, as you might expect. But balls were blazed high, wide and handsome on these occasions, and with every miss Forest Town must have felt their luck was in. Had the lone striker been more mobile, they may well have caused the great hulking back line of Eastwood more problems (seriously, huge guys. Potty mouthed too) As it was Forest were reliant upon the guile of Craig Jackson in the centre to pull the strings. And pull them he did. If he plays like this every week, then he is surely better than his current surroundings (no offence intended)

Midway through the second half, Forest Town introduced a sprightly young thing known as "TJ". It was perhaps telling of their luck as the night wore on that their best chances fell to the young lad, who was clearly scared shitless at the thought of doing something memorable. And yet he came so near. With fifteen minutes to go he latched on to a long ball, lobbed the advancing keeper and.... hit the post. Agonisingly close. And nothing Forest Town would not have deserved, for their doggedness if nothing else.

All too often sides at this level play direct football, and hope to latch on to scraps from free kicks and throw ins. Forest Town passed the ball confidently and with a precision that belied their status. All they needed was a a bit of movement up front.

With extra time looming, Eastwood continued to press, no doubt fearing the rollicking they would be getting for failing to put their plucky opponents to the sword. A corner on the right wasn't cleared properly and somehow the ball ended up in the net via means that completely escape my memory. Sorry. You read all that, and then I let you down. I suspect that a more fulsome overview will be on the Eastwood Town official site at some point, who knows?

So Eastwood Town progress to the final, where they face Retford United in a repeat of last year's Badger-tastic escapade. It's on Monday May 10th, fixture fans. At Notts County's place. Can't miss it. Big black thing, down by the river.

Wednesday Whoops

Insert lazy stereotype about American football soccer here

Read Someone Else's Post

In a daring move that may see BTFM hemorrhaging readers when they realise the true lack of ability exhibited on these pages, I would urge you all to check out a really rather wonderful thing on the pages of Left Back In The Changing Room, all about the A-Z of Football.

I spend more time than is otherwise healthy reading stuff what other folks write, and when I have finished cutting myself in a fit of self-loathing, I bookmark my favourites on delicious. You can subscribe to that ever-expanding list if you want. Then you'll get a slim idea of how I spend my day spunk away time at someone else's expense.

Lego Of Your Dominance, Englander

Regular readers of this blog will doubtless be sick to the back teeth of hearing me bemoan the lack of Lego re-enactments of any grade of football, let alone Champions League games.

So thank god someone has pointed me in the direction of this. I will moan no more.

When Monkey Impressions Go Wrong

Not much to say about this. It's too early on a Monday morning for me to be witty.

The One Where I Wished I Were Dead

Worksop 1 Hucknall Town 1

Unibond Premier Division (no really)

An awful game, played by two thoroughly disinterested teams, one of whom I expected to at least give the impression of giving a rats' ass.

The company was pleasant (at least in regard of the companion who doesn't write a blog) but the game passed by as little more than a statistic in the 2009-2010 Unibond history. In years to come, I may regale my grandchildren with tales of Tranmere 4 Southampton 3 in the FA Cup. Or Retford 5 Fleetwod 0 in the Trophy. Maybe even Halifax 4 Lancaster 0 if I need them to go far away from me. But no matter how bad they might have been, I will never inflict Worksop 1 Hucknall 1 on them. I've already forgotten it anyway.

If only everything was so easily forgotten

The One With A Film Star

FC Halifax Town 4 Lancaster City 0

Unibond Division One North

The last time I watched a team play Halifax Town, I saw Barnet claim the Conference title. Five years ago. Since then Barnet have arguably punched above their weight in the Football League, whilst Halifax have imploded, died, been re-born and failed to reappear on most people's footballing radar.

Yesterday, those folks who spend too long looking at league statistics, and not enough time speaking to people of the opposite sex (women, in the main, let's be honest) would have most definitely noticed FC Halifax Town.

For one thing, there were in excess of three thousand people at The Shay. A number that surpassed all bar four in the Second Division, and which was on a par with five games in the First Division. Not bad for a team playing in the Unibond Division One North, four rungs below the Football League.

And for another, The Shaymen absolutely annihilated their table-topping opposition. All season long it has been a battle between these two, and yesterday it seemed Halifax dealt their opposition a fatal blow.

The last time I saw Lancaster City play, they were also top of the table, they also played awfully, and they also lost. Is it me?

Halifax played expansive, flowing football, anchored by a coleuses at number 5, and spearheaded by a titan at number 9. Between them, they squashed Lancaster at every turn. City had no idea what was happening to them, and their management no idea how to counter it.

One down within five minutes, Lancaster's plan of taking a point was scuppered before they had even settled down. The vocal fan base cheered every pass, backed every tackle. No one was going to ruin this day for them. Least of all some pesky upstarts from Lancashire.

Were I am Lancaster fan, I would absolutely furious with the management of my team. In this spectators opinion, it was their intransigence that cost City any chance they may have had. One short man up front was not going to win any header against the aforementioned coleuses. The wide men backing him up were largely anonymous, save for a pair of fancy-dan boots. And the absence of any midfielders pushing through meant Town could repel at leisure.

Lazy blogging at it's very worst

At the other end, the absence of attacking thoughts from the backline should have lead to a resiliant defence. But that would be to bet without Halifax's number 9, a man by the not inconsiderable name of James Dean. Single-handedly, he bullied, bruised and baffled the Lancaster backline until he was pulled off as a mercy call by the Halifax bench. Everything that Emile Hesky doesn't do as targetman, Dean did. He won, he held, he involved. Oh, and he scored. I don't have the words, simply.

But nothing was changed until half time, by which point City were two down, and pretty much dead in the water. 4-1-4-1 became 4-4-2, and nothing really changed. Yes they threatened the home goal a little more, even daring to have a goalmouth scramble before conceding the third. But in truth Lancaster were more off the pace than this little fella



Halifax fans have been talking their team up all season long, but it has often been dismissed as nothing more than hyperbole and bravado. Yesterday, Halifax Town were as good as, if not better, then their fans' words.

By the way, apologies for the paucity of pictures. I was reliant on my phone, and not really suitably placed. Unless, of course, you had an accordion, eh Plinny?

Man kicked out of Temecula soccer game arrested after attacking referee

Referee Charles Haynes was taken into custody Sunday at his home where police say fled after the assault and booked on suspicion of felony battery and battery of a sports official.

A 31-year-old Canyon Lake man who investigators say attacked a soccer referee during an Easter Day game in Temecula has been arrested, said Sgt. Michael Canizales in a news release.

Haynes posted bail and is due back in court next month.

In incident was reported about 6:10 p.m. at Patricia H. Birdsall Sports Park at the intersection of Deer Hollow Way and Pechanga Parkway. Investigators said Haynes had been “red-carded” during a game between two teams and ejected from the contest, Canizales said. The ongoing dispute between both teams resulted in the sports official, Gaston Manrique, 50, ending the game with 20 minutes left in regulation, Canizales said.

Manrique was tackled by Haynes on the game field while he was recording the final score and the official injured his back as a result of the attack, Canizales said. Manrique was taken by ambulance to a local hospital for an examination for possible spinal injuries.

Haynes fled the scene prior to the deputies’ arrival, but was located at his residence in Canyon Lake, where Canyon Lake Police responded and detained him for questioning, Canizales said. Temecula Police later took Haynes into custody and arrested him.

South West River News

 

Soccer mom wanting group sex?? What could possibly go wrong?

I apologise for the Americanisms in the title. If it helps any, I do feel a bit dirty now.

Richard Zeh, from Connecticut, has wound up in hot water after responding to a Craigslist Ad from an alleged soccer mom seeking group sex. The personal trainer knocked on the door of the address he believed was listed in the ad to be greeted by an 18-year-old woman who told him that he must be mistaken, and nobody was looking for group sex at that address. She then apparently pointed out the correct address across the street.

Zeh wasn’t the only one to answer the apparently fake ad as about a dozen other potential suitors answered the ad, from teens to an “80-year-old man who looked like Santa Claus.” It seems Zeh was the only one who could not take no for an answer. The personal trainer tried the alternative address but was again rebuffed, so returned to the original house, where he apparently attempted to convince the people in the house that, although they had not advertised for group sex, they did actually want it. And with him.

He ended up allegedly entering the house without permission and allegedly groping the young woman. Which is what ultimately brought him to the attention of the police.
 
Mrs Zeh was unavailable for comment.

Shameless appropriation from another site

I don't like people having a pop at officials. Not from any puritanical standpoint. Just, well, they ref at non league level cos they're  a bit poo. Much like the players. And with that in mind they are going to get some decisions wrong.

That said, it also possible that they get the odd decision wrong solely to wind up the obligatory angry mad bloke who appears to frequent pretty much every non league game you go to.

Exhibit A (unless poor football on a poor pitch in poor conditions is your thing, fast forward to about the 5 minute mark) Including rubbish fighting, rubbish defending and rubbish decisions from the men in black)



Huge props to the recently discovered Cold Tuesday Evenings blog for the find.