The One I Forgot To Write

Bardon Hill Sports 1 Dunkirk 5

East Midlands Counties Football League

Readers of this blog do not necessarily expect professionalism. And I appreciate them for that. However, even I am sometimes amazed by how lethargic my attitude can be.

On Saturday, The First Man travelled to Leicestershire, to watch an ECML table-topping clash between Bardon Hill Sports, with points in the bag, and Dunkirk, with games in hand. As with last week's title decider, the end result was far more one-sided than anyone could have predicted. Only this time, it served to make the run-in all the more tight. That this was Bardon Hill's last game, and they now have to watch on as the others close in, will only compound their misery.

One unexpected highlight of the day was bumping in to an old friend in The Bodging (aka Pete) who may yet take the plunge in to the world of non league blogging. If he does, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Until then tho, know this. Dunkirk are more than any good. Having watched them despatch the previously admired Gedling Town without breaking too much of a sweat earlier in the week, I was keen to see what the table toppers would offer. As it turned out, very little. Bardon Hill played as if they knew their time was up, whilst Dunkirk harried and hassled all over the pitch. Even an early enforced substitution could not dampen their efforts. Indeed, as the resultant substitute ended up with two goals, it arguably made them stronger.

Dunkirk have pace all over the pitch, whilst Bardon Hill looked as cumbersome as their portly number 5. Time and time again balls came over the top, and the home defence could not cope. When Dunkirk bored of this game, they ran at a ramshackle defence who had no answer. For Dunkirk's fourth (possibly) they even rolled out a red carpet, pulled up a few deck chairs, and simply waved the impressive number 4 through, from his own half.

There's a proper match report, written by someone who deserves your audience more than me, here

If Bardon Hill were the best the league had to offer all year, one can only marvel at the quality of the rest of the league.

There are photos, and they will be uploaded soon enough. But I am writing this at work, and they are at home.

The One With A Ladder

Gedling Miners Welfare 0
Gedling Town 2

East Midlands Counties Football League

Happy Easter!! I am given to understand that a bloke who may, or may not, have looked a bit like Australian cricketer Jason Gillespie, went through a bit off strife around this time in order that we may all be able the enjoy the dual pleasures of over-indulgence and a Gedling derby. Carlsberg don't do Easter, to the best of my knowledge. But if they did, I doubt they'd be able to improve on my template.

Following yesterdays snoozefest at Loughborough, this game at Mapperley Plains was a blessed relief. I would say this was down to the derby-ness of the game, but in truth, derby games at this level matter little to anyone. Players move too freely, and fans are generally too close to death passive to get their knickers in too much of a twist. I guess the stars were just aligned for once.

Miners have the footprint to play at a higher level than the ECML, but as this season comes to a close, and if you can read anything in to such things, it is Town who are set fair for bigger and better next time around. Having recently trounced their neighbours 3-0 at their place, this 2-0 victory puts them within 4 points of their better-supported brethren, and  continues the rich vein of form Mick Galloway's installation as manager has brought about.

I have said earlier that I am incredibly impressed by Galloway's first stint at the helm. Yes, the results help, but his demeanour around the dugouts is one of continual encouragement of his troops, of praise, humour and belief in what he, and they, are trying to achieve (for an in-house assessment, see here) If you can find a bookies laying odds on the ECML for next season.... Although it'd be a brave man who looks past Gresley if we're honest.

If you lose your house, we've never met. Sorry.

Oh, it has occurred to me I can utilise Facebook as a host for all the photos I don't use in these award-waiting entries. So, if you fancy seeing some more shots, have a look here.

The One Where We Could Have Tried Harder

Holwell Sports 0 Radcliffe Olympic 2

East Midlands Counties League

A day that started out optimistic, descended in to blind panic, recovered to serenity, and ended with me shouting at Martin Keown.

The sensation of opening your wallet and seeing  a space where your cashcard should be is not the best way to start your day. Still don't know where it is, but the lovely lady in the Stamford branch of Santender could at least tell me that it hasn't been used. Which basically makes me the dufus who lost it.

The calm after the storm

That sorted, it was off to the Lincs Fine Food Fayre at Burleigh Hall. It was rubbish. But I got some nice sausages. And the ostrich burger was walked off courtesy of a nice stroll round Rutland Water. All in all a pleasant counterbalance to the start of the day, so all wasn't lost.

And then to Holwell Sports, on the outskirts of Melton Mowbray. Fans of the BTFM physique will be disappointed I didn't take advantage of the town's most famous export.

Holwell's website tells the following tale of the club's history:
Holwell works was part of The Stanton Iron Works Company and the club badge comes from the old works symbol. The horse with an arrow through its chest is the crest of the Crompton's an important Derby family of bankers whose involvement with Stanton Ironworks, dating from 1855 lasted for more than 80 years.

The crest symbolises the death of horse power and the emergence of electricity power generation.

Which doesn't really tell us much. So let me put some flesh on the bones. It's a lovely part of the world, albeit a triffle exposed (he typed through still defrosting fingers) But the structure is there for promotion, and the footprint available for expansion. Coupled with a not inconsiderable support for this level of football (including some not-there-for-mischief kids) they could well be a name you'll hear more of in the future.

Simon said what?

But that's as good as it gets. As is the risk at this time of the season, both teams went in to this game with absolutely nothing to play for. And it showed. Radcliffe were the better side, and fully deserved their 2-0 win. Albeit that both came from penalties late in the game. But whilst neither team really seemed to fancy it, the Radcliffe number 9, who may or may not have been Will Massingham, was head and shoulders the least interested of the bunch. That he sported shiny white boots, and a hair band, did little to convince this onlooker that he was anything other than a Big Time Charlie.

Elsewhere, his team mates looked busier, and marginally more iinterested. But this was a battle of degrees.

Keeper tries his new
"Camoflauge for Beginners" kit

Second half, my enjoyment was tempered somewhat by the arrival of a home fan with a Liverpudlian accent, who clearly had the interests of Holwell's number seven close to his heart, as he encouraged every effort with shouts, and clapping that went on for one or two more rounds than was necessary. It's the little things that drive people to kill. When the 7 got frustrated and started clattering the oppossing centre halves, they were heard to take exception to his presence. At which point the chap claimed he would damage anyone who dared try to hurt the lad. Have to say, had it come to it, my money would have been on the muddy bloke in the football kit. What with him being half the spectators age, athletic, and having a shaved head.

Which is probably why I don't write the scripts for the wrestling anymore.

That would be about the sum of things, were it not for the fact that somehow, between leaving the ground and Man Utd kicking off at half five, some idiot gave a radio microphone to Martin Keown. Honest to God, what is going on there?

Gedling Miners Welfare 5 Graham St Prims 0

(It's not that late)

East Midlands Counties Football League Premier Division
Plains Social Club


Cold. Quite cold. That will be my abiding memory of this trip to Nottingham's outskirts. I know it's hardly akin to Scott's visit to the Antarctic, and as anecdotes it's probably best I don't dust it off for any appearance on Parkinson. But still, it was cold.

Avid readers of this blog (how long left on the isolation order?) will know that this isn't the place for wide-eyed analysis of the game, with formations and tactics being deconstructed at every turn. There are folks who know stuff who can write about that. Nor is this the place for cutting critique of the ground or the catering. All of which really calls in to question the actually reason for this blog. And if I'm honest, I don't know. Which isn't great, given that it's only been in existence, albeit in various guises, for a few months.

It pisses all over some seated stands, to be fair

It took about 10 minutes of last night's game for me to question my sanity. It wasn't a bad game, don't get me wrong. I've seen worse, at much higher levels. One particularly inept showing between Tranmere and Birmingham springs instantly to mind. And I've been colder. Grimsby v Barnet in the middle of March for example. But there was something futile about proceedings at The Plains.

Gedling are going great guns at the top of the league, and despite being plenty of points behind the leaders, have plenty of games in hand. The ground is set fair for improvements, should they be needed. All in all a good set-up. St Prims in contrast are struggling near the bog end. So something of a forgone conclusion.

And so it proved. For the first 20 minutes or so the visitors matched their hosts, and both teams were intent on playing football. But it was painfully obvious that Saints were short on confidence. For all the pretty stuff, as soon as they got anywhere near the business end of the pitch, they floundered. Ineffective running and errant passing lead to the home defence having a relatively stress-free night.

At the other end, the Prims keeper looked, well, shit. Scared to come off his line. Terrible when he did. Unable to catch or kick anything, and apparently traumatised by a football at a young age. Had Gedling been blessed with a physical presence up front, rather than two strikers who would be dwarfed in a pantomime, the tally could have been much higher. Despite their limitations, Gedling got the ball wide repeatedly, and attempted to cross whenever they could. An odd choice, but as I said, I am no master tactician.

Once the hosts took the lead, the game was over as a contest. Had Prims managed to keep it 1-0 til half time, they may have stood a chance, but the last kick of the half was a free kick that put the game out of reach of a side who had offered very little.

For once, I taped something of relevance

The second half consisted of St Prims manfully repelling Gedling's attacks, but sheer persistence paid off three more times. The keeper continually failed to cover himself in glory, and had Gegling been more ruthless, the scoreline may well have ended up even more lopsided.

Attendance 61

I was like...And he was like...And I was like...

East Midlands Counties League action tonight, as Gedling Miners Welfare ended up slotting five, I think, past a hapless Graham St Pimms. I say "think" as I was having a lovely chat with a bloke called Steve, who I believe is known to one or two parishoners.

Any road, this chat meant that much of the second half passed me by (as it did many of the visiting players, ho ho) and coupled with the cold, I struggled to to keep tabs on what was going off.

I will abuse my time at work tomorrow to post more in deth and accurate reportage, but in the mean time....