The One With A Film Star

FC Halifax Town 4 Lancaster City 0

Unibond Division One North

The last time I watched a team play Halifax Town, I saw Barnet claim the Conference title. Five years ago. Since then Barnet have arguably punched above their weight in the Football League, whilst Halifax have imploded, died, been re-born and failed to reappear on most people's footballing radar.

Yesterday, those folks who spend too long looking at league statistics, and not enough time speaking to people of the opposite sex (women, in the main, let's be honest) would have most definitely noticed FC Halifax Town.

For one thing, there were in excess of three thousand people at The Shay. A number that surpassed all bar four in the Second Division, and which was on a par with five games in the First Division. Not bad for a team playing in the Unibond Division One North, four rungs below the Football League.

And for another, The Shaymen absolutely annihilated their table-topping opposition. All season long it has been a battle between these two, and yesterday it seemed Halifax dealt their opposition a fatal blow.

The last time I saw Lancaster City play, they were also top of the table, they also played awfully, and they also lost. Is it me?

Halifax played expansive, flowing football, anchored by a coleuses at number 5, and spearheaded by a titan at number 9. Between them, they squashed Lancaster at every turn. City had no idea what was happening to them, and their management no idea how to counter it.

One down within five minutes, Lancaster's plan of taking a point was scuppered before they had even settled down. The vocal fan base cheered every pass, backed every tackle. No one was going to ruin this day for them. Least of all some pesky upstarts from Lancashire.

Were I am Lancaster fan, I would absolutely furious with the management of my team. In this spectators opinion, it was their intransigence that cost City any chance they may have had. One short man up front was not going to win any header against the aforementioned coleuses. The wide men backing him up were largely anonymous, save for a pair of fancy-dan boots. And the absence of any midfielders pushing through meant Town could repel at leisure.

Lazy blogging at it's very worst

At the other end, the absence of attacking thoughts from the backline should have lead to a resiliant defence. But that would be to bet without Halifax's number 9, a man by the not inconsiderable name of James Dean. Single-handedly, he bullied, bruised and baffled the Lancaster backline until he was pulled off as a mercy call by the Halifax bench. Everything that Emile Hesky doesn't do as targetman, Dean did. He won, he held, he involved. Oh, and he scored. I don't have the words, simply.

But nothing was changed until half time, by which point City were two down, and pretty much dead in the water. 4-1-4-1 became 4-4-2, and nothing really changed. Yes they threatened the home goal a little more, even daring to have a goalmouth scramble before conceding the third. But in truth Lancaster were more off the pace than this little fella



Halifax fans have been talking their team up all season long, but it has often been dismissed as nothing more than hyperbole and bravado. Yesterday, Halifax Town were as good as, if not better, then their fans' words.

By the way, apologies for the paucity of pictures. I was reliant on my phone, and not really suitably placed. Unless, of course, you had an accordion, eh Plinny?

The One Where We Waited

Given what went off before, I wouldn't normally be in a rush to go back to Harrogate Railway Athletic, regardless of whether or not they were playing table-topping Lancaster City.

But needs must, and believe you me, it was for the greater good. I am writing this ahead of the main event not only of the weekend, but of my year so far. The Quireboys are playing an acoustic gig in Knaresborough tonight, and I'll be there, centre stage, screaming my adulation for the man they call "Spike". I'm on record as saying I would go gay for him. He wouldn't touch me with someone else's hands. But the offer is there.

For all your pre-match sausage roll nee

But you're not here to read about of the dark recesses of  my mind, are you dear reader? On the contrary, you come to Beat The First Man because it drops in your reader unexpectedly of fabled tactical insight and pithy observations on the noble game. So, to business...


Harrogate is nowhere near to Mexico. Most of us are aware of this. But the rather garish kit of HRA means that they display a flag outside Station View that could confuse a stupid person.

That said, not even the most cerebally challenged would have struggled to work out where they were once they surveyed the pitch. I'm not criticising anyone, as we all know the troubles this winters weather has caused groundsmen up and down the country. But given there is ample
space immediately behind the ground, is it unreasonable to think that both teams could at least have warmed up elsewhere, rather than churning the pitch unnecessarily?

A very long scarf

With the visitors embroiled in a battle with "the mighty" (c) Shyamen of Halifax at the top of the Unibond First Division North, and the hosts heading squarely in the opposite direction, this should have been a banker for an away win. Certainly, the visiting fans, who at least matched the number of home fans, thought so.

As a side note I've never seen so many fans accompanied by so few flags or banners. They had a long scarf tho.

Railway though had other ideas. They took the lead within ten minutes, after the ball was lobbed back in to the area from a scuffed free kick, and the impressive Stansfield latched on to it. Didn't stop him moaning at his team mates all afternoon tho.

Write your own. I'm not going to hell for you.

Fifteen minutes later, Lancaster City finally got the equaliser their possession required. A fact which pleased the vociferous fans no end. If for no other reason than Railway's keeper is a rotund chap, and we all love a fat keeper, don't we kids?

As the half drew to a close, those vocal fans became quieter. This banker was looking increasingly less of a sure thing.


Things got worse at the start of the second half, when City had a corner, which was comfortably claimed by the keeper and launched downfield, where Hollingdrake slotted it past the keeper. Some of this action has been caught on video. Alas, not the important bit.



As the game wore on, tempers frayed on and off the pitch. The vocal set moved behind the dugouts and managed to upset the home management. Attentions then turned to the playing staff, with individual performances being singled out for special attention. (edit: this has continued on their forum. Not sure how beneficial this is to anyone, but then the myopic and opinionated football fan is what forced me in to ground hopping anyway)

A second yellow was shown to Lancaster's midfield "enforcer", before Harrogate broke away one more time to confirm their victory. It can be viewed here, sort of. There is a reason the BBC never employed me, that's all I'm saying.



All in all, not a great day at the office for The Dollyblues. With Halifax beating Prescot Cables, the race for promotion is really hotting up in the Unibond One North.

Postscript: the gig was bloody fantastic. I love Spike.