Footballers who can kick a ball so hard it explodes only exist in comic books, right?

Goatkeeper

(c) Adrian Petrisor

Vendredi Volley (it's French for Friday)

Rangers fan tells BBC North West Tonight something

Because All Goalkeepers Are Idiots

Cheeky backheel to Narrow The Angle and Tim Hill

What I Did When England Were Playing Switzerland

Teversal 1 Askern Villa 2

NCEL Wilkinson Sword Trophy First Round

Standing Room Only

I had a really good post written for this. God knows where I saved it though. Instead, here are the bare facts, followed by some wanky shots featuring Pete, The First Man. And a plastic chair. Amongst others. And not once will I make mention of the glory of Askern Villa's name (I'll leave that to Two Footed Tackle, if he fancies it)

Ronree, I'm So Ronree...

Tevie scored in the first couple of minutes having broken through the Villa back four. Askern Villa's number 5 dislocated his thumb, but neither side had a physio. Villa then proceded to try to play football, without any end product, while Tevie showed a lot of endeavour, and a will to do better, but simply lacked the guile.

Best Seat In The House

Second half, the home keeper came under ever more pressure, but stood firm. Until he didn't. The equaliser came mid way through the half. And the winner came courtesy of a flap direct from a corner.  It left him casting quite a forlorn figure pacing his goalmouth.

So there you go, it's shit, I know. Which is a shame, cos the game wasn't. Sorry.

Recycling

Sermon From The Mount

Pete Looks On In Awe

As The Mists Roll In

The Unwitting Victim Of It All

In light of the back-slapping going on in the aftermath of Non League day, it is perhaps worth remembering that the current big news story in sport, namely the Pakistani cricket betting scandal, has had far-reaching effects right here on "our" non-league doorstep.

Some may be aware that the gentleman, and I use the term advisedly, at the centre of it all, one Mr Mazhar Majeed, is also chairman of Croydon Athletic FC. Not a club that come onto my North Notts radar too often, true. But still, one of our own.

So, it is a great sadness to read the following posted at NonLeague.Com

Croydon Athletic have requested permission to withdraw from The FA Cup. This request has been accepted by the FA.

This follows the approval of the Isthmian League to allow Croydon Athletic to postpone their next two League games to ascertain whether they can meet their commitments for the remainder of the season.

Kingstonian have been awarded a walkover to the Second Round Qualifying.

More on the whole sorry saga can be found courtesy of The Guardian, amongst others.

From The Hands Of Babes

Ankle-biter obviously knows that's the hand the sainted Stevie G uses to shake hands with Wayne, John and Ashley

Of Non-League Day And Men

Curzon Ashton 2 Witton Albion 0

Evostik Division One North

How Quickly We Forget

To the untrained eye, the Eastern outskirts of Manchester are a maze of stereotypical Northern mill towns, languishing in a romantic memory of yesteryear. To the shit football connoisseur however they provide a hotbed of opportunity. A visit to Mike Smith's excellent Six Tame Sides is indication enough of this. So what better place to celebrate Non League Day?

And so it was that this blog's one-man mission to seek out teams that might possibly be worse than Prescot Cables continued apace with a trip to Curzon Ashton. Please note at this juncture that Google Maps lies.

As I pulled in to the car park, I could have sworn Non League Day had been an unexpected success. The place was rammed. Turns out there was a kids competition on the neighbouring artificial pitches. So much for spreading the word.

Non League Day In Full Effect

Alas, it appeared to this blogger at least the Curzon had completely refused to acknowledge the existence of Non League Day. Certainly no-one I spoke with was aware of any sort of promotion to entice "big" fans to the match. No mention of it was made over the PA (how hard would it have been to welcome new visitors?). And all in all it just seemed like another day at the office for all concerned. Very disappointing.

Imagine my joy as the teams came out that every single one of the Curzon Youth who were being used as mascots appeared to be sporting Fancy Dan Boots. And then imagine my disappointment at being on the far side of the pitch and not being able to snap any of them.

And so to the game. The first half was a shocker. Both teams seemed adamant that their creative lynch-pins were their full backs, so all play had to go through them, before the ball got slung round the back of the opposing full back, or lumped hopefully towards a centre forward who was a good five inches shorter than the centre half stood behind him. Insipid and unimaginative, and it made me think that maybe Curzon had done everyone a favour by not getting behind Non League Day.

Another Aimless Ball

Thankfully the second half proved marginally more entertaining fayre, helped no end by the fact that Curzon scored  early on, and Witton therefore had to at least put up the pretence of trying to score. That they failed, is more testament to their ineptitude than any praiseworthy efforts by the home defence. In desperation, Witton moved their left back, the one decent player on display from both sides, upfront. A fact which wasn't lost on an old boy in the crowd 15 minutes later as he urged the home bench to adjust their formation accordingly to "attack down the right" That they had been doing this to little or no effect had seemingly passed him by. Of course, no sooner had he piped up than one more surge down that flank was rewarded with a goal, allowing the gentleman in question to loudly proclaim that the management were clueless. 2-0 winners and you're getting slated!

Oh, one last point, should any of the Curzon officials find themselves reading this.... turn the bloody PA down. The music selection is bad enough, but playing it all at ear-bleeding volumes is surely in contravention of the Geneva Convention?

Remember When Jesper Blomqvist Was Better Than Pele?

Backheel to @ObscureFootball

Boar draw

A German fifth division match has had to be called off after a pitch invasion by a group of wild boars left the surface in an unplayable condition.

Local officials said on Friday that wild boar had entered Dresden Borea's Jaegerpark (Hunter Park) stadium overnight, derailing Saturday's kickoff against Lokomotive Leipzig.

The boars left such big holes in the playing surface as they scavenged for food that there is no way the match in German's fifth tier could be played.

This is the second time Liepzig, who lost the 1987 European Cup Winners Cup to Ajax, have had to call off a league game after last month's match against FC Sachsen was washed out due to flooding the night before the game.

"We're accustomed to problems in the cold months - ice, sudden onset of winter and so on," said Lokomotive chairman Steffen Kubald on the club's website.

"But this is the second time something unusual has happened and the schedule leaves us with no room."

Coach Achim Steffens added: "We are in the middle of game preparation.

"Everything is designed around Saturday, you tinker with the details, the last training sessions went well and then you meet this new blow in the face."

Of the four scheduled league games so far in their league, Lokomotive have had to call off two and face league leaders Zwickau next Friday.

Wild boar, a species of pig and the wild ancestor of the domestic pig, are native across much of northern and central Europe.

Boar draw - four-legged fans run amok on German pitch - World Soccer - Yahoo! Sports

More Showboating

When it works, you look like a God

Thursday Thwack

Picked up on Twitter courtesy of @thecoldend

Crazy Crazy Crazy Night. In Dallas

How better to advertise that Kiss are playing a gig in Dallas?

Guess Who??

Westlife played Mansfield the other week. I didn't see Alan Marriott sitting on a stool in The Chad....



Apparently, $40 gets you access to both the gig AND FC Dallas v Red Bull New York in the evening. Purely for the sake of comparion, a ticket to Mansfield Town alone now costs £16. So who's got their pricing structures right?
Press Coverage – Greatest MLS Promotion Ever? Shout it Out Loud!

Newcastle United Fans Have Knobs.

It must be official, it's on the internet





Cheeky backheel to Who Ate All The Pies

Bullseye

Sometimes, you just have to let the footage speak for itself.

And Now Crystal Palace Get In On The Act

Coming in to BTFM Towers via @CalneEagle on Twitter, another foul-mouthed abuse of the hard work of the good people at XtraNormal

A typical conversation with a Spurs fan

Hot on the heels of the Conversation With a Gooner, the reposte:







Tip of the hat to Ollie @ Who Ate All The Pies

Latin Leather

This is exactly the sort of action I didn't see at Harrogate Railway Athletic on Saturday

How To Endear Yourself To The Opposition

Now that, Mr Ronaldo, THAT is showboating

The Land That Time Forgot

Harrogate Railway Athletic 0 

Prescot Cables 0

Evostik Division One North

There is always a risk when you go to an unscripted live event that events may conspire to provide a spectacle that doesn't live up to your expectations. Having been to Harrogate Railway before, my expectations weren't all that high. And having a mole in the Prescot Cables camp, I knew I was unlikely to see a team of Galacticos stride out in yellow and black.

Pete was desperate for any action at all.

That said, I was completely unprepared for the utter tripe that made up the bulk of my Saturday afternoon. One good reflex save, a goal mouth scramble, and a hit crossbar, coupled with a red card and that was pretty much that. Actually, that synopsis paints a much more enlivening picture than I intended.

Do You Come Here Often?

Wandering around God's Waiting Room, I was struck by a slightly more important point than "my, what a dash both benches cut in their new League-issue attire". And that was: where's the future for clubs like HRA? We all know that non-league football is a hand-to-mouth existence. But really, looking around the rabble that had collected at Station View, I really couldn't see how they were going to pull together an under 70's team in the next few years. They are not alone in this. That non-league football is the reserve of doddery old men with fat noses and ear hair is a cliché that is nonetheless true. But some clubs do at least boast a vocal minority of teenage lads, for whom the novelty usually wears off. And a few middle-aged dads with banning orders from local proper clubs (this may be doing them a disservice, I appreciate!) But there was none of that at HRA yesterday.

No, me neither

I'm not sure what the future is for Railway, and clubs like them. The committees need to wake up and become proactive, I think. Not just short term, quick fix measures like "kids for a quid" or youth team admissions. The problem is bigger, across the board. And whilst kids are always the long term potential fan-base, today's population is more mobile than ever. Getting them when they're young is all well and good, but they invariably move away. The focus surely has to be on enticing those who move in to the area? Somewhere like Harrogate is a major draw for out-of-towners. So what are Athletic, and their neighbours Harrogate Town, doing to sell the club to Southampton fans and Everton fans who move to the area? Forget marketing to the kids, get the dads, and mums, down. They'll be spending the money. They'll be telling their friends. And they, ultimately, will take the reigns of the current management committee.

Idiots In Charge Of The NPL

We all know these are tough times. For all of us. Money is tight, and if it is tight for us, it is near non-existant for non-league football clubs. As such it would, perhaps, to be fair to expect the people tasked with looking after the welfare of those clubs to do what they can to lessen the burden.

When you go to watch a football match, what do notice? The big and burly number 6? The fleet footed winger? The quality , or otherwise, of the pies, perhaps? I have have been to too many games to quantify. And never, not once, have I found myself thinking the sartorial elegance of the respective benches was lacking.

But I must have been in the minority, because the suits of the NPL have issued the following to every club in the Evo-Stik league:

• 1x polo shirt
• 1x t shirt
• 1x pair of shorts
• 1x woolly hat
• 1x pair of socks
• 1x Bench Coat
• 1x pair ¾ pants

Read that list again, and tell me this is a good idea. The league committee, threadbare as it is, have spent coin of the realm addressing an issue that wasn't there. Add to this that they expect referees to enforce the dress-code, and that any transgressions  will be penalised with a £25 fine, and it is clear that the suits do not have the first idea what they are doing.

For one thing, where;s the rain coat?

The One Where The Magic Of The FA Cup Meets Award-Winning Pies

Walking Down Wembley Way

Without inviting anyone to share unduly in my own private hell, I have, in recent times, become very familiar with the Woodhead Pass. For those lacking an encyclopaedic knowledge of the Notts/ Yorkshire road network, the Woodhead is the shortest route from Sheffield to Manchester, winding it's merry way as it does across the Peak District. So it was perhaps unnecessary for me to repeat the journey one more time in order to expedite a visit to Glossop.

Unnecessary, that is, until you learn that Glossop North End recently won an award for the Best Pies in all of football. Which is no little boast. And a man of my stature cannot let such things pass him by. So, the onset of this season's FA Cup, and a visit from Wigan Robin Park (no, me neither) brought the plan together quite majestically.

Surrey Street is a funny little ground. Clearly it was once on the outskirts of town, but now it seems to be in entirely the wrong place. My contacts advised me it was the land that time forgot, but truth be told, it is a lovely little place. It doesn't look too inviting from the outside, but once you pass through the turnstiles, it has everything you need. Namely a pitch, enough cover, a clubhouse. And pies.

But before we launch in to the usual half-arsed report, a quick mention of the pre-match drinking hole, The Friendship. Uninspiring northern pub-by-numbers to the untrained eye, I was given the heads up on Twitter by @GlossopNorthEnd and what a lovely place it was. From the old boys playing dominoes, to the Lords-like reverence for cricket, it really was my idea of pub heaven.

Pete. The First Man. See?

And so, the game. Er, yes, the game. It ended 2-2, and the second half was much better than the first. The mood after the match seemed to be that it was a below-par performance from both sides, and certainly no one seemed to have a good, or for that matter horrendous, game. No one really stood out. There were no fat blokes or man mountains to pour scorn upon. The home fans weren't overly enamoured of the visiting bench. And that was pretty much that. GNE probably just shaded things, but WRP took the few chances they created, and deserved the replay on that basis alone.

An Award-Winning Chicken Balti Pie

As for the pies... Well, after all the hype, I was expecting something sensational. What I got was a better than average pie, which was let down by the pastry. To this connoisseur, it runs a distant second to Goole.

Kind regards, the chubby one off Masterchef.

QPRs maddest fan

We've all been there. The red mists descend. All of a sudden the players wearing the shirt are expletive deleteds. And the only possible solution is to shout. And then shout some more.



Many thanks to @TheBallIsRound on Twitter for pointing me in this direction.

Sent For An Early Bath

Cracking little video this. As ever, it features a huge over-reaction by a willy-waving idiot footballer.

Are Away Days Better Than Home Games?

There is something magical about a good away game. Be it a weekend in Scarborough, a curry in Forest Green, or just a road trip to Hereford, my footballing memory retains far more of the accompanying adventures than it does of the actual game. A home game is invariably routine. The same pub, the same faces, the same vantage point. But go to an away game, and all bets are off.

Not sure I'd go to many in Poland though.

*edit: just found another pic. Who's booking the coach? (both are worthy of clicking on for full glory)

Roberto Carlos

Roberto Carlos, still got it. (after about 1m 10sec)

From The Mouths Of Babes

How To Deal With Pitch Invasions

Americans. Famed for their tolerance and understanding. And ill-fitting football shirts.

Goalkeeper Cock Ups Of Our Time #724

US High School Soccer Racism

When I was a mere slip of the lad, and accidentally stumbled in to a one-off appearance for the school rugby team, more by virtue of neing a lard-arse than any competence at the game, no-one came to watch. And that's how it should be. School kids playing sport is not good spectator fodder. Mainly because the fact that they are kids makes them shit at it. So the double-handed concept of loads of people showing up, the tv cameras being there, and it being deemed the perfect platform for some ill-thought-out racial protest is completely alien to me.



A little context is probably needed here. South High is in the old stockyard/meat-packing district of Omaha, where 47% of the student body is Hispanic, and that percentage goes up for the soccer team. Meanwhile Lincoln East, well, isn't. And kids being kids, what better way to celebrate than make some pathetic immigration display. Pathetic.

Cool Shirt? Or Horrific Shirt?

I really can't decide whether this retro-graphiced design is better than the recently announced Chelsea suits, or as bad as the 1996 vintage Liverpool suits. Thoughts?

Puma Foundation Stadium T-Shirt>>Lifetime Return>>White Soccer T Shirt

Whatever The Opposite Of The A-Team Is

There was supposed to be another in-depth piece here concerning the tactical ambivalence of Warrington Town v Crewe United of Northern Ireland in their annual Peace Cup. Something the two teams cobbled together int he aftermath of the Warrington bombings. And a mighty honourable undertaking it no doubt is.

However, given that nobody told me the game kicked off at 1pm, all I can tell you about the game is that they need to work on their PA system. And that it was a very one-sided game. Exactly who mullered who, I don't know.

So, instead of the usual insight, have a video of the reason I journeyed over in the first place.

The Most Stupid Handball, Like, Ever?

Goal Celebration

Goal celebrations are a tricky thing. On the one hand I do enjoy a stoic Cantona-esque, "I'm sodding great, me". And on the other I like the idea of grown men staying behind after training working out who amongst them is going to become a prize halibut.

Aleksandar Kolarov knocks out referee

Mark Viduka Knows Someone With The Longest Arm In The World

Possibly the only time Mark Viduka will ever grace these pages

Chinese fan attacks referee after double red card for Qingdao

A fan enraged by two quick red cards shown to the Qingdao Chinese Super League club at the weekend registered his annoyance by launching a kick at the referee and shoving a linesman.

The Slovenian forward Aleksander Rodic was the first Qingdao player sent off after picking up a second yellow card for diving in the 67th minute of the 2-0 loss to Shanghai Shenhua yesterday. The Croatian midfielder Stjepan Jukic was also shown red three minutes later after a bad tackle.

The foul sparked a melee during which the unidentified man raced on to the pitch and attacked the two officials, Chinese media reported today.

Yu Tao, the general manager of Qingdao, denied that the man, who was wearing branded shorts and trainers, was a club employee.

"The man was definitely not on the staff of our club. He was just an emotional fan," he told the Xinhua news agency. "The referee failed to control the game well – perhaps he was too young."

Around 100 Qingdao fans smashed up a car they believed belonged to the referee, Wang Zhe, after the match, Xinhua reported.

Chinese fan attacks referee after double red card for Qingdao | Football | guardian.co.uk

A Game Of Four Halves

Preseason madness in Shropshire this weekend. With Tranmere playing but a bus-ride away in Mansfield, it made perfect sense for me to drive two hours to watch teams I have no affinity for. And, truth be told, if they hadn't been charging £10 at Field Mill, I might have been tempted. But really, £10?? For a friendly?In which the "big side" is Tranmere? Go away.

Welcome to Telford

So instead an early start saw The BoneShaker wend its cheerful way across country. Tunes this week including Mark Lanegan, Pretty Lights and Little Angels (who were from Scarborough, as it happens. And you thought I threw this shit together). Diverse, that's me.

As a mere waif of a chap, as opposed to the more rounded figure who sits in front of the laptop today, I spent my University career in Wolverhampton. Or Dudley to be precise. And remember fondly the joy I felt on discovering the shopping centre in Telford. Nearly twenty years on, I have no idea why this might have been. It's still essentially a jumped up roundabout. And I can report that you really don't expect a place like Telford to be quite so sprawling. I'm not convinced they could have put the New Bucks Head stadium any further from the heaving metropolis.

Following a quick trawl round the charity shops of neighbouring Wellington, more of which in a subsequent post, it was off to the ground. At this juncture I should point out that at 9am, the weather in Mansfield was set fair. The gurning loon on the TV had said that it was likely to stay that way over much of the country for the rest of the day. So shorts and flip flops were the order of the day. As of 1pm in Telford, skies were overcast and it was trying to rain. Your correspondent looked conspicuous.

Oh yeah, I can do arty with the best of 'em

It occurs to me I haven't actually explained what was going on here today. In a sort of Lidl version of the Charity Shield, Supporters Direct have corralled organised fan-owned clubs from all corners of the footballing pyramid to a two-tier double header. The support act was to be Scarborough Athletic v Merthyr Town, preceded, oddly, by the headline offering of AFC Telford v FCUM. If this is to be an ongoing venture, it might be wise to swap these fixtures round. You know, the way that everyone else does it. Still, just a thought. And with that, to the football.

AFC Telford 2 FC United Manchester 0

Supporters Direct Cup

Whisper it, but FCUM aren't really all that good. Oh, I know it's only a PSF, regardless of whether there is some artificially created silverware on offer. And I know also that they have bigger fish to fry in regards to where they apportion their money right now. But they may be in for a tricky season this year, and unfortunately this will give fodder to all the clueless Man Utd-lite haters out there. On this display, albeit it against superior opposition, they looked lightweight and too short. They are crying out for a lump upfront who can hold up the ball and feed Michael Norton. And without Carlos Rocca on the flanks, they look bereft of creativity (yes, "bereft". I thank you). Telford on the other hand played like a good Conference outfit, and should be in with a shout this season. The ground is up for it, the support is there. And they may have the team this season.

Scarborough Athletic 2 Merthyr Town 0

Supporters Direct Shield

It was VERY yellow

Very much after the Lord Mayor's Show this one, and a shame, because it was a much more enjoyable game.  Like an old-fashioned European game, it really was a trip in to the unknown in terms of standards. It was also a good two hours away from the pie shop, which must have been traumatic for the Merthyr front two.

In a break from the usual lazy racist stereotypes, I can report that young Welsh lads don't think Green Street is a documentary, can hold their alcohol, and won't let anything distract them from the game of football they have travelled many a mile in the name of.

A couple of local Rhodes Scholars had hung around in the hope of engaging in a lengthy debate on the current fiscal climate, but unfortunately for both parties, the plentiful stewarding meant they were forced to express their opinions via a series of complicated hand gestures and contemporary dance moves. Neither of which served to fully express their frustrations I fear.

It's a shame so few turned out from the big two sides. And even more of a shame that only a handful of them hung around for the second course. In the past this Cup has been contested solely between FC and AFC Wimbledon, so opening it up to the ever expanding number of fan-owned clubs is a good thing. But it really needs more thought given to it. And why did it need to be held at Telford? Let Merthyr or Scarborough host it. They need whatever money it'd produce.

Now, since you've sat through all of this, head over to Fancy Dan Boots for the reason there are so few action shots in this report.

Amazing Penalty

Unless you've seen this before, you won't expect it



(sorry about the backing track)

Conversation With The Average Gooner

Contains mild swearing. And some proper swears too.

Slippery summer fun: "Soapy Football"

First you have to get through 30 seconds of hairy Germans telling you something about something. And then the goodness of Soapy Football is unleashed. If this isn't sweeping the market squares of this fair isle of ours within weeks, I demand a Ministerial enquiry.

Awful Football Interviews Of Our Time

Where to start? Just when the myth about the US and football was being put to bed, something as abject as this raises its head.

1. Tee-arree?
2. "that's our soccer team?"??
3. "You've just won the World Cup?"??
4. Europe is more racist than the US
5. tell us about your big scores

Jesus H. Bring back Hansen and Shearer....

Player Strangles Ref

We all know South American football is nuts. And this video does nothing to dispel that impression. A penalty that had to be taken four times, eventually tucked away by Hamilton Ricaad (remember him?), followed by what Tyledsley and co would doubtless call "disgraceful scenes" of referee maltreatment.

Following the game, the guilty party, one Jose Pedrosa, said “I’m not sorry… I understand that I will be punished and I will no longer play for Rangers or any other team. I intend to get away from football, I’d rather be at peace with my family in Paraguay."


I suspect inner peace is not a concept Senor Pedrosa is overly familiar with.

First seen on 101 Great Goals

The One With No Obvious Gags

Selby Town 0 Birds Eye Athletic 3

Pre Season Friendly

Previous entries into this soon-to-be-award-winning football blog may have given the casual observer that your hero isn't much of a fan of pre-season friendlies, and that with such a mindset, it was unlikely there would be many more match "reports" posted before the first actual factual proper game in mid-August. And you know what? That casual observer would be 100% correct. PSFs remain good for only one thing so far as I can tell, and that is watching football in flip-flops.

(c) Flickr

 That said, when you are moping about on Twitter on a slow Friday afternoon at work, and you see that Selby Town are at home that very evening to a team called Birds Eye Athletic, you would have to have a heart of stone to not at least contemplate attending. How many chances do you get?

So, let's get it all out the way shall we? The captain was not a kindly looking older gentleman with a big white beard. He was, for the first half at last, an imperious, if ungainly, centre-half who dealt comfortably with everything the Selby side could throw at him. 

And on the rare occasion he couldn't, due to them having the temerity to use parts of the pitch he wasn't on, the visiting keeper was playing out of his skin. One save towards the end of the first half deserved a far larger audience.

After a bit of googling, it turns out Birds Eye Athletic are a Sunday league side. And that being the case, I can only assume that either standards in the Lincs and Humber leagues are much higher than elsewhere in the country, or they had drafted in a ringer or two. The final 3-0 scoreline did not flatter the supposedly weaker side, and if the two-goal number nine truly is a Sunday leaguer, the management of NCEL and arguably NPL teams need to sort out their network of contacts.

But it wasn't all bad for Selby. Actually, yes it was. Birds Eye could have had more, and whilst the visiting keeper had a blonder, pulling off another excellent save in the second half, in truth anything other than an away win would have been unjust.

If you are of a mind to, there are some more photos over on the Facebook site (ain't the interweb wonderful) They do nothing to enhance this post, amazingly. And anyway, Blogger is being an arse. Which goes some way to explaining the delay in posting this report. Although that doesn't take in to account my inherent laziness.

Diego Forlan - The Cartoon Series

Science Says Referees Are Biased

Fans who angrily questioned several calls made by soccer referees in this year’s World Cup won’t be surprised at a report in the journal PLoS One that found inherent bias in referees.

They might, however, be surprised that the bias is perceptual. The study found that soccer experts whose languages read left to right call more fouls when the action moves in the opposite direction, or right to left.

“We are used to moving our eyes left to right so we have a preference for viewing events left to right,” said Alexander Kranjec, a neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania and the study’s lead author.

Because of this preference, events moving from right to left are perceived as atypical, and referees may be more likely to call fouls, Dr. Kranjec said.

Previous studies have suggested that such directional effects are reversed in those whose languages read from right to left.

“It would be interesting to do this with Hebrew- or Arabic-speaking soccer experts,” Dr. Kranjec said.

He and his colleagues conducted the study on varsity soccer players at the University of Pennsylvania. The players assessed foul calls on images of plays, and were then asked to do the same on mirror images of the same plays.

On average, they called about three more fouls on action going right to left.

The news is unlikely to have any application to disputed calls in soccer since the referee’s ruling is absolute. It would also depend on the position of the referee and the language or languages he reads. So there’s little chance that science will calm the arguments that are as much a part of the World Cup as the games themselves.

NY Times

Crazy German fans celebrate third place finish

It's a novel way to celebrate losing a semi final...

And that's magic!

I have watched this several times, and I still don't have a clue how he does it.

Militias declare war on soccer in battle for Somalia's youth

Football. The global game. Basking in the glory of another little bit dull really successful World Cup. Everyone's slapping each other's backs in the corridors of power. And yet, on the same continent, only a few hundred miles away, the game is seen a "satanic act that corrupts Muslims".

Let's see you dine out on this one, Sepp. You Bellend.

Sepp Blatter Is A Bellend After All

(c) 7am Kick Off

Long rumoured to a complete arse, interested only in self-promotion than in looking after the game at large, BTFM can now reveal that FIFA President Sepp Blatter really is a Bellend.

3...2...1...And We're Back In The Room

Sutton Town 0 FC United of Manchester 4

Pre-Season Friendly

Blue skies, they said

Every year pre-season rolls around, I, and many others, get all excited cos football is back. And every time I go to a pre-season friendly, I swear to Holly Willoughby (praise be her name) that I won't go to another one.

I don't know why this happens. During the season, I fully understand the folly of attending PSFs. I spend many comforting hours laughing at people who analyse international friendlies as these games had any greater significance than those between Maltby Main and Doncaster Rovers. And yet, come the start of July, I find myself with my nose pressed into the computer screen, looking for that mythical beast: an enticing game.

Day Release

Which brings us to The Fieldings, on the outskirts of Mansfield. Quite how this fixture came in to being is beyond me. Former Retford manager Mark Shaw, now head honcho at Sutton, no doubt has some contacts from his scouting days, butt quite where the cross-over with Manchester's finest (and I say that with no hint of irony)would be  I am at a loss to say. Regardless, the coach rolled in, as did approx 250 folk, many of whom seemed to care a little too fervently for this correspondents tastes, and "real" football was back.

The game itself was fairly processional  for the visitors, the gulf in class in no way negated by the summer break. Sutton had some big fellas, but it is fair to say that, in the main, they weren't really athletes. FC were somewhat dwarfed, but compensated by being better in every department.

Helped in the first half by the not inconsiderable slope, FC were attacking at will, with the ever mercurial Carlos Roca not really needing to get involved. New acquisition from Curzon, Michael Norton, appeared to have forgotten his banjo as he persisted in attempts to hit the bovines backside. And were the only two I recognized. Sorry.

There were other stand out performers, FCs #6 and #10 for example. But to these eyes the two real stand out players were in the home shirts. There was a brute of a centre half who really could have eaten all the pies (although not even in the same league as Darren Caskey, apparently) And there was the omnipresent athlete up front who must be good cos he had fancy-dan boots. And, as ever, he wasn't. Quite why shit footballers insist on drawing attention to themselves by wearing such ludicrous footwear is anyone's guess. And something which has been pondered for more eloquently than anything I can throw together.

If anything, the final 4-0 scoreline flattered Sutton, as Norton continued to be profligate, although he did eventually get a goal in the second half, from the penalty spot. No doubt he will be a success for FC. He has pedigree. And sensible-ish boots. As noted at the outset, I try not to put any store on PSFs. They are there for fitness, and to raise revenue where possible. But it'd be nice if the groundsmen mowed the lawn first.

Ronaldinho is the devil

What do we know about Ronaldinho? Other than he's better than Theo Walcott?

Of Socialism, Sodomy, Satan. And Soccer

"What letter does socialism start with ? - "S"

"What letter does Satan start with ? - "S"

"What letter does sodomy start with ? - "S"

What letter does soccer start with ? -  I'm going to give you a great big guess on this ? - It's "S"

Do you think this is some kind of coincidence or something ? Do you really honestly think that because it ain't. It ain't at all. Soccer is against God."

Fun and games with a linesman

I would merrily sell my grandmother to guarantee this happening at a game I was in attendance at.

Vuvuzelas banned from Whyteleafe

And so it starts. I don't foresee vuvuzelas being a big problem for British football, but what do I know? In a pre-emptive strike, the good folk of Ryman League club Whytleafe have decided to ban vuvuzelas from their clubhouse during the World Cup, and from their Church Road ground for all future fixtures.

Unneeded in my view. Can't help thinking that those who wish to bring them to a game will be rounded on by the more numerous grumpy old men.

Scousers

"We've had a great night, everyone's enjoyed themselves"

Maradona's Gone Nuts

Alright, so maybe the fact that Argentina's manager is a little bit off  kilter isn't news. But in what way can this be beneficial to team morale?



First seen on 101 Goals

The Worst Freekick Ever

The worst freekick ever. Unless you know better.