Of Non-League Day And Men

Curzon Ashton 2 Witton Albion 0

Evostik Division One North

How Quickly We Forget

To the untrained eye, the Eastern outskirts of Manchester are a maze of stereotypical Northern mill towns, languishing in a romantic memory of yesteryear. To the shit football connoisseur however they provide a hotbed of opportunity. A visit to Mike Smith's excellent Six Tame Sides is indication enough of this. So what better place to celebrate Non League Day?

And so it was that this blog's one-man mission to seek out teams that might possibly be worse than Prescot Cables continued apace with a trip to Curzon Ashton. Please note at this juncture that Google Maps lies.

As I pulled in to the car park, I could have sworn Non League Day had been an unexpected success. The place was rammed. Turns out there was a kids competition on the neighbouring artificial pitches. So much for spreading the word.

Non League Day In Full Effect

Alas, it appeared to this blogger at least the Curzon had completely refused to acknowledge the existence of Non League Day. Certainly no-one I spoke with was aware of any sort of promotion to entice "big" fans to the match. No mention of it was made over the PA (how hard would it have been to welcome new visitors?). And all in all it just seemed like another day at the office for all concerned. Very disappointing.

Imagine my joy as the teams came out that every single one of the Curzon Youth who were being used as mascots appeared to be sporting Fancy Dan Boots. And then imagine my disappointment at being on the far side of the pitch and not being able to snap any of them.

And so to the game. The first half was a shocker. Both teams seemed adamant that their creative lynch-pins were their full backs, so all play had to go through them, before the ball got slung round the back of the opposing full back, or lumped hopefully towards a centre forward who was a good five inches shorter than the centre half stood behind him. Insipid and unimaginative, and it made me think that maybe Curzon had done everyone a favour by not getting behind Non League Day.

Another Aimless Ball

Thankfully the second half proved marginally more entertaining fayre, helped no end by the fact that Curzon scored  early on, and Witton therefore had to at least put up the pretence of trying to score. That they failed, is more testament to their ineptitude than any praiseworthy efforts by the home defence. In desperation, Witton moved their left back, the one decent player on display from both sides, upfront. A fact which wasn't lost on an old boy in the crowd 15 minutes later as he urged the home bench to adjust their formation accordingly to "attack down the right" That they had been doing this to little or no effect had seemingly passed him by. Of course, no sooner had he piped up than one more surge down that flank was rewarded with a goal, allowing the gentleman in question to loudly proclaim that the management were clueless. 2-0 winners and you're getting slated!

Oh, one last point, should any of the Curzon officials find themselves reading this.... turn the bloody PA down. The music selection is bad enough, but playing it all at ear-bleeding volumes is surely in contravention of the Geneva Convention?